over the past few months, one concept has been repeatedly branded into my mind. maybe it's because there is so much i don't know, want to know, but can't know yet. maybe it's because this summer i have been forced to be patient. maybe it's because i've had to slow down. maybe it's because i'm too scared to do anything else.
regardless, it is the concept of slowing down, taking time, waiting patiently, and letting things work out. more and more frequently, i find myself saying things like, "just wait" "if it's important, i will figure it out" "we will see" "i didn't mind waiting" "wait and see" "we can do that later" "not long- only 4 months" "give it time" and "time will tell".
i find this mindset affecting more and more of my life.
it started with the whole area of a boyfriend (not mine)...should i date him or should i break up with him? there are 2 voices inside me telling me 2 different things? are they my head and my heart? are they both my head? the answer? wait. in a relatively short time, the 2 voices will agree much more, and then follow them. less than a month later, the questions were answered. the heart a little sore, but the lesson learned.
next, i saw it affecting the way i think about guys. i used to think that if a guy liked me and i didn't like him, well, that was the end. what else is there to do, think, or say? well, what if i took the time to get to know him and see what happens? what have we lost if i still don't "like" him in the end? i saw that just because i don't think or feel a certain way now, given time, i could change if i wanted to. also, just because a guy leaves my life for a summer, doesn't mean i assume i will never talk to him again. only time will tell that.
directly related to that is the way i think about my friendships. toward the end of last semester i met a whole group of people who i really like, and really hope to spend more time with this coming semester. i spent a lot of time with one person in particular, we got along great, could talk for hours, laughed at the same things, and told each other we could always stay that way. maybe we could. maybe we still can. i have no objection to spending lots of time with a new friend and getting to know them quickly; however, i have realized that there are some things about a person that only time can tell. we don't know each other very well at all. in that same group there are plenty of other people. 3 of them i started to get to know better and am very much looking forward to continuing those friendships more deeply when they come back for fall classes. i appreciate those friendships more because they are more natural. we are taking the time to get to know each other more broadly as well as deeply.
another specific friendship has majorly influenced and enforced my thoughts on this topic, but i think it merits its own post.
the impact of letting things happen more naturally reaches further than just relationships.
it affects the whole way i view my life.
i am not saying that i have no control over or say in what happens. not saying that at all! adversely, i think that every choice i make affects the me and my future in some way. however, i think that i should make the choices i make to the best of my ability, and then wait patiently to see what their consequences are. if i see problems, i should do my best to address them, but i can't expect to solve them overnight. sometime i can't know yet. i can't know what will happen with a certain guy this fall until this fall; however, i should take the time i have now to determine what i am ok with and to get ready for anything. if, by the time he gets back, i haven't determined that or i'm not ready, then i should just keep waiting.
simply put, i only have the present.
i should wait for the future because the best way to prepare for the future is to let it take care of itself as i take care of the present.
my next step is the one in front of me; not necessarily the one i want to be on, but the only way to get to where i want to be is to start from where i'm at.
my life is a path. i can't be anywhere but where i am. i will live in the moment, taking each step as it comes, letting time take care of the future; and hopefully i never stop walking.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
happy post
i realized that the majority of the post on this blog are extremely contemplative, some semi-discouraging, and others are downright depressing. so.....this is my happy post.
list #1: people who have made a positive impact in my life over the past year...
1) tucoma winegar
2) tara decaraux
3) jake garner
4) aeri kim
5) jean-maxime bertrand
6) brandon brown
7) uiseong simon mun
8) youngho fred kim
9) salma aman
10) bongjun ryan moon
11) kari garrett
12) jiseong charlie jang
13) erik bengtsson
14) hyunjung olivia choi
15) youyung rachel hyun
16) molly reed
17) jeff wilkins
18) sami burchfield
19) robert williams
20) callie wright
21) brandon page (haha!)
22) beth ann tollison
23) my entire family
24) daniel riggs
25) nathan august riedel
list #2: dates/events i will remember and why...
1) august 2010: birthday trip to wisconsin
2) october 2010: campus outreach fall conference and gatlinburg with dudley
3) christmas break, 2010: road trip to dallas, tx with jinju
4) december 2010: straight A's fall 2010 semester
5) 29-31 december 2010: campus outreach new years' conference...met daniel
6) 18-20 february 2011: campus outreach spring retreat
7) spring break, march 2011: wisconsin with bong
8) beginning of april 2011, met and started hanging out with swing/ruf friends
9) april-may 2011: talks with tara, jo, max, and jake
10) april 2011: changed major from nursing to history and spanish
11) april 2011: dogwood swing/dylan's party
12) 9-14 may, 2011: ruf summer conference
13) may 2011: straight A's spring 2011 semester
14) july 2011: baby-sitting trip to wisconsin with ez
15) summer 2011: cookeville regional medical center 5th floor mural project
list #3: positive changes
1) i am far more comfortable with being open and honest with people
2) i am learning to live in the moment - not for the past of the present
3) i have made new friends
4) i have a differnet major
5) i am figuring out what i actually believe about God...religions...worldviews
6) i have falling in love with walking! ;)
7) i ride my bicycle
8) i am learning to live with less and less
9) i have been very happy all summer
10) i am learning when it is ok to be alone, and when i need other people
list #4: totally random things i am thankful for
1) big o's
2) youtube
3) john mayer's music
4) no cell phone!!
5) a fuzzy blanket
6) a job
7) bon jovi's basist
8) granola bars
9) glue
10) water bottles
11) magnolia trees
12) paper towels
13) facebook
14) sunshine
15) football
16) sharpies
17) another job
18) libraries
19) tevas
20) christmas lights
list #5: events i am looking forward to...
1) my friends coming back to cookeville
2) classes starting
3) meeting my little sibs
4) daniel being in cookeville
5) visiting jo
6) jo coming home (!!!!!!)
7) finishing the murals
8) making granola tonight
9) spending more time with tara...callie..sami...nathan...and HOPEFULLY daniel
10) ttu swing starting again
11) making new friends
12) legally being able to buy alcohol
13) getting a tatoo
14) watching into the wild
15) writing a research paper
16) learning more spanish
17) 5 time.....16 days..... :o
18) nomi coming on thursday
19) paying september rent
20) jo's next facebook message
list #1: people who have made a positive impact in my life over the past year...
1) tucoma winegar
2) tara decaraux
3) jake garner
4) aeri kim
5) jean-maxime bertrand
6) brandon brown
7) uiseong simon mun
8) youngho fred kim
9) salma aman
10) bongjun ryan moon
11) kari garrett
12) jiseong charlie jang
13) erik bengtsson
14) hyunjung olivia choi
15) youyung rachel hyun
16) molly reed
17) jeff wilkins
18) sami burchfield
19) robert williams
20) callie wright
21) brandon page (haha!)
22) beth ann tollison
23) my entire family
24) daniel riggs
25) nathan august riedel
list #2: dates/events i will remember and why...
1) august 2010: birthday trip to wisconsin
2) october 2010: campus outreach fall conference and gatlinburg with dudley
3) christmas break, 2010: road trip to dallas, tx with jinju
4) december 2010: straight A's fall 2010 semester
5) 29-31 december 2010: campus outreach new years' conference...met daniel
6) 18-20 february 2011: campus outreach spring retreat
7) spring break, march 2011: wisconsin with bong
8) beginning of april 2011, met and started hanging out with swing/ruf friends
9) april-may 2011: talks with tara, jo, max, and jake
10) april 2011: changed major from nursing to history and spanish
11) april 2011: dogwood swing/dylan's party
12) 9-14 may, 2011: ruf summer conference
13) may 2011: straight A's spring 2011 semester
14) july 2011: baby-sitting trip to wisconsin with ez
15) summer 2011: cookeville regional medical center 5th floor mural project
list #3: positive changes
1) i am far more comfortable with being open and honest with people
2) i am learning to live in the moment - not for the past of the present
3) i have made new friends
4) i have a differnet major
5) i am figuring out what i actually believe about God...religions...worldviews
6) i have falling in love with walking! ;)
7) i ride my bicycle
8) i am learning to live with less and less
9) i have been very happy all summer
10) i am learning when it is ok to be alone, and when i need other people
list #4: totally random things i am thankful for
1) big o's
2) youtube
3) john mayer's music
4) no cell phone!!
5) a fuzzy blanket
6) a job
7) bon jovi's basist
8) granola bars
9) glue
10) water bottles
11) magnolia trees
12) paper towels
13) facebook
14) sunshine
15) football
16) sharpies
17) another job
18) libraries
19) tevas
20) christmas lights
list #5: events i am looking forward to...
1) my friends coming back to cookeville
2) classes starting
3) meeting my little sibs
4) daniel being in cookeville
5) visiting jo
6) jo coming home (!!!!!!)
7) finishing the murals
8) making granola tonight
9) spending more time with tara...callie..sami...nathan...and HOPEFULLY daniel
10) ttu swing starting again
11) making new friends
12) legally being able to buy alcohol
13) getting a tatoo
14) watching into the wild
15) writing a research paper
16) learning more spanish
17) 5 time.....16 days..... :o
18) nomi coming on thursday
19) paying september rent
20) jo's next facebook message
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
the wrong seed
Luke 8:4-15
And when a great crowd was gathering and people from town after town came to him, he said in a parable: "A sower went out to sow his seed. And as he sowed, some fell along the path and was trampled underfoot, and the birds of the air devoured it. And some fell on the rock, and as it grew up, it withered away, because it had no moisture. And some fell among thorns, and the thorns grew up with it and choked it. And some fell into good soil and grew and yielded a hundredfold." As he said these things, he called out, "He who has ears to hear, let him hear." And when his disciples asked him what this parable meant, he said, "To you it has been given to know the secrets of the kingdom of God, but for others they are in parables, so that 'seeing they may not see, and hearing they may not understand.' Now the parable is this: The seed is the word of God. The ones along the path are those who have heard; then the devil comes and takes away the word from their hearts, so that they may not believe and be saved. And the ones on the rock are those who, when they hear the word, receive it with joy. But these have no root; they believe for a while, and in time of testing fall away. And as for what fell among the thorns, they are those who hear, but as they go on their way they are choked by the cares and riches and pleasures of life, and their fruit does not mature. As for that in the good soil, they are those who, hearing the word, hold it fast in an honest and good heart, and bear fruit with patience.
What if I'm not good soil?
And when a great crowd was gathering and people from town after town came to him, he said in a parable: "A sower went out to sow his seed. And as he sowed, some fell along the path and was trampled underfoot, and the birds of the air devoured it. And some fell on the rock, and as it grew up, it withered away, because it had no moisture. And some fell among thorns, and the thorns grew up with it and choked it. And some fell into good soil and grew and yielded a hundredfold." As he said these things, he called out, "He who has ears to hear, let him hear." And when his disciples asked him what this parable meant, he said, "To you it has been given to know the secrets of the kingdom of God, but for others they are in parables, so that 'seeing they may not see, and hearing they may not understand.' Now the parable is this: The seed is the word of God. The ones along the path are those who have heard; then the devil comes and takes away the word from their hearts, so that they may not believe and be saved. And the ones on the rock are those who, when they hear the word, receive it with joy. But these have no root; they believe for a while, and in time of testing fall away. And as for what fell among the thorns, they are those who hear, but as they go on their way they are choked by the cares and riches and pleasures of life, and their fruit does not mature. As for that in the good soil, they are those who, hearing the word, hold it fast in an honest and good heart, and bear fruit with patience.
What if I'm not good soil?
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