I've never found pinching myself to be a great test, but I often wonder if my life is real.
Growing up, I had ideas about the things I wanted to do and dreams about the things my life could hold. These ideas and dreams changed over the years, but most often included the following:
1--Finding a man who loved me unconditionally.
2--Travelling to other countries and continents.
3--Being able to speak other languages.
4--Helping other people.
5--Living with Jo.
6--People recognizing my name.
7--Looking in the mirror and seeing a confident, skinny, successful woman.
8--Teaching/training people in the skills I know.
9--Sharing my ideas and knowledge with people who wanted to hear.
10--Eating ice cream for breakfast - ANY TIME I WANTED.
---> It's great to look back over the last year and see the way my relationship with Sam has grown. We've given each other emotional scars, but more than anything, we are learning what it means to love fully, unselfishly, unconditionally.
---> Last year I spent time in 3 different continents.
---> I can communicate in several languages. And in Spanish, well, I'm no where near fluent, but there are few ideas that given enough time and a patient listener, I can't communicate. In Spanish.
---> Somehow, people always seem to find me when they need help - it's wonderful.
---> Jo and I have been living in Cookeville for over 3 years now.
---> And any professor, manager, adviser, rent-collector, coworker, and even most class-mates recognize the name "Pinzur". As "one of the hardest-working, most honorable people I've ever had".
---> Most days when I look in the mirror, I just see me. But every-once-in-a-while, I see what most other people see: a confident, successful, attractive woman.
---> Helping countless people correct essays, dress burgers, and seeing my sister draw, my brothers cook, and my nephews studying second (or third) languages, assures me that my acquired skills are not going wasted.
---> The number of hits from random countries on my blogs, and the looks on my professors faces in class, assure me that there are plenty of people reading and listening to what I have to say, with pleasure.
---> And yes, I eat ice cream for breakfast any time I want.
Looking back over the last several years, I am overwhelmed by the number of dreams I've seen come true.
At the time it just felt like a lot of hard work. Late nights, early morning, long days at work, long lists of vocab, endless confusion and feeling at my wits' end. It felt like a hot apartment when I was paying for tuition instead of AC. It felt like a broken heart when I left a life in Korea behind. It felt like perpetually ill-fitting clothes as I lost 40lbs due to stress, business, and working 50-weeks on my feet. It felt like a splitting headache after all-nighters with 20-page history papers. It felt like a sunburn from where I fell asleep in the quad on the first warm day in March. It felt like sleepless nights, popping ears, motion sickness, and lack of appetite: gotta love jet lag!
Looking back, it feels like success. Confidence. Growth. Love. Dedication. Excitement.
Right now, it feels unreal. I know that what I'm doing is what I've chosen - what I love. But sometimes I still feel like I'm going to wake up and be the girl I used to be - hoping, dreaming, idealizing.
But I won't. I'll continue waking up every day to a life of early mornings, late nights, head aches and dedication. I life of ill-fitting clothes and growth. Broken hearts and love. Sunburns, jet-lag, and excitement. Confusion and confidence.
That's my life. And no amount of pinching will change it!
Growing up, I had ideas about the things I wanted to do and dreams about the things my life could hold. These ideas and dreams changed over the years, but most often included the following:
1--Finding a man who loved me unconditionally.
2--Travelling to other countries and continents.
3--Being able to speak other languages.
4--Helping other people.
5--Living with Jo.
6--People recognizing my name.
7--Looking in the mirror and seeing a confident, skinny, successful woman.
8--Teaching/training people in the skills I know.
9--Sharing my ideas and knowledge with people who wanted to hear.
10--Eating ice cream for breakfast - ANY TIME I WANTED.
---> It's great to look back over the last year and see the way my relationship with Sam has grown. We've given each other emotional scars, but more than anything, we are learning what it means to love fully, unselfishly, unconditionally.
---> Last year I spent time in 3 different continents.
---> I can communicate in several languages. And in Spanish, well, I'm no where near fluent, but there are few ideas that given enough time and a patient listener, I can't communicate. In Spanish.
---> Somehow, people always seem to find me when they need help - it's wonderful.
---> Jo and I have been living in Cookeville for over 3 years now.
---> And any professor, manager, adviser, rent-collector, coworker, and even most class-mates recognize the name "Pinzur". As "one of the hardest-working, most honorable people I've ever had".
---> Most days when I look in the mirror, I just see me. But every-once-in-a-while, I see what most other people see: a confident, successful, attractive woman.
---> Helping countless people correct essays, dress burgers, and seeing my sister draw, my brothers cook, and my nephews studying second (or third) languages, assures me that my acquired skills are not going wasted.
---> The number of hits from random countries on my blogs, and the looks on my professors faces in class, assure me that there are plenty of people reading and listening to what I have to say, with pleasure.
---> And yes, I eat ice cream for breakfast any time I want.
Looking back over the last several years, I am overwhelmed by the number of dreams I've seen come true.
At the time it just felt like a lot of hard work. Late nights, early morning, long days at work, long lists of vocab, endless confusion and feeling at my wits' end. It felt like a hot apartment when I was paying for tuition instead of AC. It felt like a broken heart when I left a life in Korea behind. It felt like perpetually ill-fitting clothes as I lost 40lbs due to stress, business, and working 50-weeks on my feet. It felt like a splitting headache after all-nighters with 20-page history papers. It felt like a sunburn from where I fell asleep in the quad on the first warm day in March. It felt like sleepless nights, popping ears, motion sickness, and lack of appetite: gotta love jet lag!
Looking back, it feels like success. Confidence. Growth. Love. Dedication. Excitement.
Right now, it feels unreal. I know that what I'm doing is what I've chosen - what I love. But sometimes I still feel like I'm going to wake up and be the girl I used to be - hoping, dreaming, idealizing.
But I won't. I'll continue waking up every day to a life of early mornings, late nights, head aches and dedication. I life of ill-fitting clothes and growth. Broken hearts and love. Sunburns, jet-lag, and excitement. Confusion and confidence.
That's my life. And no amount of pinching will change it!
No comments:
Post a Comment