the little things go big

isn't that how life works? all the little things seem so big while we are in them, but in the end, it's just another little thing...

it's weird to see the way my life is now. it's weird to see the way my mind changes and grows; to see the way my heart beats and breaks; the way friendships build and crumble; the way school drags and runs away; the way the future crystalizes and blurs... every freakin day.

i see the lives of the people around me changing so quickly and so definately, but i feel the same. it's like watching the world go by in slow motion as i slip into rewind.

but i know that i have to be changing too.

i want to change my major. that's a change.

i have a bunch of new friends this semester. that's a change.

i have to make plans for this summer. that's a change.

i love drinking tea. that's a change.

i wanted to move into a house with 4 other girls. that's a change.

i look for ways to spend time with people. that's a change.

i cut my hair. that's a change.

i have 5 piercings. that's a change.

i want a place to call home. that's a change.

i have stopped looking for a guy who "fits". that's a change.

i want to be an artist. that's a change.

i am learning that it's not always better to be stronger. that's a change.

i fight every day to be the person i want to be. that's a change.

......maybe that's all, maybe there's more, but i think i have proven to myself that i am changing along with the rest of the world. it's a good feeling, but so strange! i feel like this thing called life just keeps getting more and more complex, but less and less complicated.

and ironic.

that's what life seems to me - a big irony. the timing of life. the people in life. the desires in life. the problems in life. "when you have more than you want, you think you need. and when you think more than you want, your thoughts begin to bleed. i think i need to find a bigger place, cause when you have more than you think, you need more space."

and no, that didn't make much sense to me either.

;)