maybe i will write about what i am really thinking about

naturally, it has to do with guys. especially one guy. but it has as much to do with all the other ones out there too.... one feels more personal, but i know he's not. he is nothing to me: we were friends, but his life has moved on, and now, our friendship is a pale shadow of what it used to be, fading into a memory...

yeah, so we were friends. there was nothing more and there was nothing less.

that was summer 2009.

but the summer ended as do all summers...and our paths parted. i wanted to stay friends, and it hurt to know that he didn't really care that much. but such is life, i learned to live with it.

we parted as friends.

there was nothing more and there was nothing less.

only...the seeds of more were sown, and as always happens when the seeds of more are sown, the seeds of less were sown right along with them.

what changed? nothing. only, when i thought about him leaving my life, i was jealous of the other people he choose to spend his last days with. when i thought about the times we'd spent over the summer, i knew it could be another 19 years before i would know someone with whom i felt so at home. when i thought about how well we got along, i didn't care about the problems we had.

then, for months, there was nothing. i saw nothing of him. i thought nothing about him. i felt nothing for him.